Maybe I'm the morally grey one?
This Monster of Mine
Fantasy
Hodderscape
3 April 2025
416
She knows the taste of death. He'll stoke her hunger for it. Eighteen-year-old Sarai doesn't know why someone tried to kill her four years ago, but she does know that her case was closed without justice. Hellbent on vengeance, she returns to the scene of the crime as a Petitor, a prosecutor who can magically detect lies, and is assigned to work with Tetrarch Kadra. Ice-cold and perennially sadistic, Kadra is the most vicious of the four judges who rule the land - and the prime suspect in a string of deaths identical to Sarai's attempted murder. Certain of his guilt, Sarai begins a double life: solving cases with Kadra by day and plotting his ruin by night. But Kadra is charming and there's something alluring about the wrath he wields against the city's corruption. So when the evidence she finds embroils her in a deadly political battle, Sarai must also fight against her attraction to Kadra - because despite his growing hold on her heart, his voice matches the only memory she has of her assailant... The first book in a dazzling and addictive romantic fantasy duology, the #1 Sunday Times bestselling This Monster of Mine is a bloodbath of manipulation, deception, and forbidden love.
“The side of her body touching his sighed at the heat, as if she’d never known she was cold until this very instant.”
This Monster of Mine is the debut novel from Shalini Abeysekara, and it has me absolutely feral.
Someone tried to kill Sarai and covered it up. She’s had four years to pine for revenge, and now she’s returned to the city intent on claiming her justice. Gifted with magic that allows her to discern truth, she’ll work as a Petitor under one of the city’s rulers to conduct trials, while her new station provides the opportunity for her own investigation. Sarai couldn’t have anticipated she’d be assigned to work for Kadra, a man as secretive as he is violent—or how deep the conspiracies and cover-ups would take her.
It’s certainly trendy to categorize stories as enemies to lovers, but Abeysekara does the concept justice. Kadra is a properly villainous MMC who has us questioning whether maybe he’s on the right side of things. Much like Sarai, I had a consistent inner monologue consisting of comments along the lines of, “Should I be into this?” Even more so, though, I was right there with her, desperate for answers. The mysteries and motives in this story are layered to a beautiful depth and remain exciting through the final chapter. I loved piecing everything together and still being surprised by a twist.
Sarai is a compelling character in many facets. We get to watch her grow in strength and confidence—not only in healing from her trauma, but also in answering her call to justice. She has to grapple with what it looks like when justice isn’t as just as hoped, when saviours aren’t safe, and what it means to try to be a good person in that world. Some absolutely chef’s kiss morally grey angst.
This Monster of Mine is part of a duology, but it doesn’t end on a cliffhanger meant to keep you up at night. Instead, I’m chomping at the bit for the next book simply in the hope that it’ll be just as good as this one was!
Gabi grew up moving around the world with her family, making books in English a bit of a luxury that had to be rationed. Nowadays she lives in East London, where books can be read as voraciously as she likes. Fantasy books will forever be her first love, and she’s always looking for the next series to consume both of her brain cells. Her days generally consist of working as a software developer, squeezing in a chapter at her desk, and pining after the Picadilly Waterstones.
